But that will never be, because I am, after all, human. I am not exactly tactful. Just ask anyone who really knows me. My sister-in-law, Charmaine knows this first hand. So, does my son and my husband is painfully aware of it. I think this problem of mine comes from not really knowing how to tackle difficult subjects. I’ll act like a bull in a china shop and dive right on in, no preface, not paying attention to who else might be in the near vicinity or hearing distance, not even choosing my words wisely. Just getting the words I need to say out and done with. Then Lord help us all! Because it is going to hit the fan with the speed of light and the velocity of a sonic boom before I even realize I’ve screwed up — once again. It sometimes takes weeks or months to fix the relationships I’ve deeply bruised after one of my “little talks”, but usually we do end up closer.
The other thing on my mind today is that I wish I was never in a bad mood when I am with my grandchildren. I get to spend so little time with them that it just stinks that I get tired or sleep deprived and grumpy. It hurts my feelings even more than theirs, I think. There should be some sort of cosmic rule that if you only get so many hours in any given year or so, that it’s physically impossible to be grumpy around them, even if you are up for 48 hours straight! Your Fairy Godmother will take on the grumpy for you or something. Alas, being human, we don’t really have Fairy Godmother’s. It just flat stinks. This is one of those things I forget about between trips. Somewhere into the second week or rolling into that 10th or 12th day, the wheels start to come come off. I still enjoy my time with them, but I start to act like the grandmother who lives next door and not the one who is visiting. I’ll be a Disciplinarian with a capital D instead of a little d and some how, I’m just not as much fun, I don’t think. That makes me sad and I really don’t know how to fix it other than come home earlier and spend even less time with them. Don’t know that I’m willing to do that.