I found another heart rock in my walk way yesterday on my way to the car to go to Dallas to sew with my mini group friends. I picked it up, scraped off the mud (we’ve had a little rain lately) and dropped it in my basket to take with me. I remembered to show it to only one friend while there, Andrea. I photographed it on one of the postcards — it’s in the last photo. I saw this heart shaped cloud while driving home from Dallas and sewing.
While there, I started a new project. I’ve been wanting to make a “grief” quilt for some months now. I asked if anyone could remember the stages of grief and Shelley and Andrea both got online and found them for me. Andrea’s website had 7 stages: 1. denial/shock, 2. pain/guilt, 3. anger/bargaining, 4. depression/loneliness/reflection, 5. upward turn, 6. reconstruction/working through, 7. acceptance/hope. Shelley printed out the 5 stages that I am more familiar with: 1. denial, 2. anger/resentment, 3. bargaining, 4. depression, 5 acceptance.
I decided to go with the 5 stages that Shelley found and possibly throw in a little of Andrea’s findings also because I didn’t want the fabrics to be too thick to sew. I found fabrics to represent the different stages of grief for me. For “denial” I used the orange and grey originally, but that wasn’t really enough. I later added the purples they are on the top of the quilt, thanks to Maxine and Kari for suggesting it needed diagonal movement and purple. Everything on top of the red, represents “denial and shock”. Red represents “anger”, the next fabric is a blue with red and blue freckles (or dots) which represents bargaining, then the black is for “depression” and finally the yellow peeking through is for “hope and acceptance”. I’m not there yet, but I’m hopeful that I will be one day.
As you can see the top fabrics are ripped and woven through each other. They are very confusing, just like the feelings in the beginnings of grief. The denial and the shock are so confusing, my very fiber feels ripped apart at times. I had not trimmed the quilt to the point that it’s at in this photo when I had taken it over to a part of the quilt shop that has all the thread. I was looking for black and grey and maybe a dark purple. An older woman saw my quilt at that point and said “oh what a mess!”. I turned to her and thanked her. I told her it that it represents grief. She said “Grace?” “No,” I said “grief.”. She said “Greece?” “No, grief as in someone has died and I am grieving for them”. At which point she just looked at me with disdain and confusion and her friend dragged her away. She just could not comprehend a quilt that was not of a traditional making/pattern/design. That’s OK. Someday she may feel like ripping fabric and remember my “mess” and give herself permission.
I’ve already stitched a broken heart into the quilt. I plan to stitch tears into it at some point, but other than that, I’ll just stitch and see what happens. I don’t know if it will be donated to the Quilter’s Guild of Dallas’ live mini auction in March or if I’ll put it in the show. Right now, the only thing I know for sure about it is that is not messy enough.
My momma sent me a book that I got in yesterday’s mail. It’s Making Toast by Roger Rosenblatt. She said in her letter to me “It is amazing how it applied to both of our lives this terrible year.” She also said she felt that she was guided to the yard sale that had it. I agree. I loved every word of this book. I read it very quickly and I plan to reread it again soon. Then I may return it to momma and buy another one for myself, so that we can both have a copy. It just feels like we’ll need it. I don’t know.
I’ve got some postcrossing postcards to share with you too. The first is from Louisiana and is of the Superdome. I didn’t know the facts that are listed on the front of the card. Fun. Click on the photo if you want to read them yourself.
The next one is from Spain and shows the Ebro River.
Then I got a surprise card from a young woman that I had sent a card to in the past. She didn’t need to send me a card in response or as a thank you, but she did. Very sweet. It shows a fountain in St. Petersburg, Russia.
The last one I have to show you today actually came in an envelope! Also from Russia. It shows a lovely hotel and speaks of hot air balloon rides! That would be so nice. Isn’t the envelope pretty? I love the stamps too.