Today is the day we find out if my husband’s aggressive prostate cancer has spread. Today is also my birthday. I have been wishing this day here since we found out the test results would be given to us today. I’ve wished for this day to arrive so we could know already! I have not wanted my birthday to arrive this badly since I was six or seven years old! My sweet friends, family, and husband have all commented that it’s a crappy way to spend my birthday, but I don’t feel that way. I’m just so filled with gratitude that we find out today. Sure, I wish we could have found out yesterday, not because it wasn’t my birthday, but because it was one day earlier. The not knowing is a killer. I’m worrying over everything. I’m crying easily and over nothing. I have no doubt that my husband is in for a rough road of treatment and that he’s very frightened, but it’s also extremely difficult on the spouse and family. We all want it to be us and not him. We want to spare him the pain. We can’t do a damn thing about it though. All we get to do is worry until we can care for him. It’s a dirty word.
My birthday has not being forgotten either. I’ve had calls, emails, good wishes on Facebook and by text. I’m celebrated and I’m thankful to have opened my eyes on the anniversary of my birth many years ago. This year, I’m most grateful that we’ll know what we’re in for though. I seriously cannot express that gratitude fully. No matter what the results are, knowing will free me. I’ll be able to start acting on the problem instead of being in limbo. That, in itself, is a wonderful gift!
This evening, when we get home from the doctor, I plan to start working on my plus quilt! (Click here for a tutorial from In Color Order or to see what the quilt pattern looks like.) I showed you the fabric I’ll use in my last post. I’ve finally decided to cut my squares to four and a half inches and just make it as big as I can. I’m going to cut up all the fat quarters in the Terra Australis bundle. Then I’ll lay out the quilt pieces and play with it until I like the layout. At that point, I plan to graph the design I’ve chosen and take photos of it. Then I’m going to piece the quilt, basically like a nine patch, onto batting so I can quilt it as I piece it. Thanks to the book Quilt As-You-Go Made Modern by Jera Brandvig, I think I can handle it. Regardless, I can’t wait to try!
I’m going to use the other book to piece messages to my grandchildren for the backs of the quilts I’ll make them. Although, now that I’m thinking about it, I might just make my middle granddaughter one that says “I love you more” on the front. It’s a game we play each time we talk on the phone. Whoever says I love you at the end of the conversation ends up in a debate over who is loved more. I found her a Christmas ornament this year that says “I love you more”. That was fun!
What are you grateful for today?