In simple descriptive terms, I am a daughter, a sister (my only sibling – my sister – passed in April of 2010), a friend, a wife of almost 35 years, a momma of one son and a gramma of three.
In my soul, I’m also an artist (untrained so I guess that would make me a folk artist, I don’t care what label society puts on me, I make art). In my artistic endeavors, I occasionally make quilts for both the bed and the wall, both large and small. I paint some and I bead. I knit a little. I don’t purl yet, but I do knit. I take photographs. I write. This blog is evidence of that and some of the others at times.
I love animals. We have two dogs at the moment. A white male German Shepherd Dog named Barkley and a female rescue mix — part terrier, part border collie — named Katie. He seems dumb as a stump and eats his poop. She frighteningly intelligent and eats everything else, including furniture at times.
We live in a rural area of Texas on almost 28 acres in a log home that my father built. I wish I had known I’d be living here one day. I would have helped him design this baby. The logs are rounded so they catch all of the dust and I have to vacuum the walls. There isn’t enough storage space. There are lots of windows, but not one over the kitchen sink! And no dishwasher, so I spend a lot of time at the kitchen sink. The counters were built for my father’s 6 foot frame. I’m 5 foot 2 and a half inches. My back hurts by the time I finish the dishes, every time. The kitchen is very small. The house itself is small. There is no door on the bedroom. It was built for a single man. But I do love living here. There are lots of trees. Lots of birds! Love the birdsong. Wildlife walks by sometimes. We see deer fairly often and I saw a bobcat while walking to the mailbox one day.
I am a woman of a certain age. And as such, I’ve lived a bit. It’s taken me a long time and living through a lot of hell to get comfortable with myself. I wish I could have gotten to this stage much younger. I would have been much happier if I had. There is a part of me that thinks it’s impossible to get here any younger. You have to go through all of this bad stuff and good stuff, the trials and tribulations — LIFE to learn who you really are. I’ve lost many loved ones in the last couple of years. Through death and their own actions. It’s been very hard on me, very painful. But it’s taught me so much. It’s taught me that I am enough just as I am. Even though I am over weight. Even thought I have some grey in my hair, smile lines and bad knees. Even though I forget that I’m enough and in the past I didn’t believe that I was enough, I really and truly am. I strive to live that today. To believe that I am enough and believe it with every fiber of my being.
You are enough too. Just as you are today. Don’t wait until you are 50 to figure this out.